itslastcall

Hey everyone! well i feel like i have lot to update you with. where to start!

this week mom and jerry were in town so i got to go out for coffee with them. it was nice to see a familiar face here. our week of classes were on holiness and the fear of the Lord. mark (our school leader) was the speaker for this week. it was really good. we just finished up this morning.
we had our mid-dts evaluation thing. we get to tell mark what we really think about everything (muah ha ha) ok so i don't have much to complain about. i wish there was more worship but i always wish there was more of that. the coolest part of it all was that he had a word for me. i'll try to get it all out, for your benefit as well as mine.

Crystal, i see you like a big treasure chest. like those ones in pirate movies. really beautiful, holding a lot. when you open it, its fill to the brim with every treasure known to man. but the thing is you never open the lid. when you want to get something out, you crack it open, just wide enough to stick your hand in to pull out what you're looking for.

so i think thats about it. i do feel that way...a lot of the time i feel pregnant with things to say, ideas to share and feelings to express. i feel like a full person but a lot of the time i feel ashamed of what i have at the same time.like i would be proud if i opened up my gifts. i feel like if i'm beautiful, i'll be asking for trouble. i'll be saying "Hey look at me, i'm awesome, i'm better than everyone else." the thing is that in trying to avoid it, i cover up myself, and honestly i'm no good to anyone when i'm covered up. (i'm talking in a spiritual sense. i'm not saying that from now on i'm planning on joining the nudest colony) so..how do i be myself? THIS IS THE QUESTION OF THE SEASON. i know who i am...but can i let everyone else know? without feeling proud? without acting proud? erg.

i got a letter from dad and from the bergens today. it makes me so happy to get letters. i miss you guys so much. i love to have tangible home.

hmm i can't remember what else i want to say. hopefully it will come to me. love you. yes, you.