itslastcall

moving growing
time to get up and go whats happening whats going to get me
moving growing

"in the past, being labeled radical was nice because it made me feel sassy, and i never had to worry about folks taking me too seriously.... what do we do when the foolishness of the cross actually makes more sense than the wisdom of the sword? what if a fragile world is more attracted to Gods vision of interdependence and sacrificial sharing than to the mirage of independence and materialism? what do we do when we are the ones who have gone sane in a crazy world?" - introduction to The Irresistible Revolution by shane clainborne.

whats going to get me moving, growing. whats it going to take? do i want it? do i want to leave this place...i hate this place but maybe i'm used to it. maybe i'm comfortable. so why am i so unsatisfied?
no. i dont want to be satisfied; i want to chase the dream, hunt it down, find it when i'm dead. and that will be my life. thats nothing to regret.

i need to step back and ask myself what i really want (over and over). what do you really want crystal?
if you keep asking for what you don't want you might end up with something you dont want.
is that deep? or did i know that in grade 2? get your head out of the clouds. you know how to find God. he's there. do you really believe that hes not talking to you? you know him better than that.

i wondered if God hears my prayers...and then i thought that maybe if God doesn't know me well, then maybe he doesn't hear me well. i know i know, in sunday school we talk about God knowing us better than we know ourselves. but i talk to myself a heck of a lot more than i talk to God. and if i never talk to him, isn't it a little like matt. 7:21-23?

"Knowing the correct password—saying 'Master, Master,' for instance— isn't going to get you anywhere with me. What is required is serious obedience—doing what my Father wills. I can see it now—at the Final Judgment thousands strutting up to me and saying, 'Master, we preached the Message, we bashed the demons, our God-sponsored projects had everyone talking.' And do you know what I am going to say? 'You missed the boat. All you did was use me to make yourselves important. You don't impress me one bit. You're out of here.'

relationshippppppppppppppppp
with God
knowing him
and having him know you
maybe those who spend a little more time with him
have their prayers a little more heard.
does that fly in the face of what i believe? let me think about it