itslastcall

God... why does life have to be so painful and confusing?

i've spent some time thinking about life... and how much it is like a birth... only when we die is really when we are born.

like this labour that we are in, this life, has its ups and downs. its restful times, and its painful times. the goal though isn't found in the day to day. we can see it off in the distance... and we are running towards it...towards the day when we are "born"...towards the day when we will enter the eternal realm... "the real world" if you will.

all that said..
This sucks! contraction... pressure... pain. i don't want to go through this. i want the reward without the price. why not? Oh God... don't we need His grace? i know i can't do this on my own strength.

this i know for certain; my God is faithful and true to his promises.

what can hold me back? i know, without a shadow of a doubt (none), that God has great plans for me. Not just pretty little life plans... eternal plans. Ones that will matter after i'm through the birth. Ones that will have some sort of impact on the "real world"... the world that isn't caught up in our temporary things. The world that actually recognizes who God is. The world that has its eyes open... that heavenly realm.

And those are his huge, unimaginable plans. They rest in eternity. not simply in the next 50 years. those 50 years are merely the labour of this life... when we think of our lives, the labour that our mothers went through is a small amount of time compared to the sum of our years. in the same way, God's plans for me extend outside of the birth process and into the life, eternal life, that he has planned.

I think i can face tomorrow. and the next day. I know i need to see his face. I know i need to know his heart.

In "the little princess" movie there is a scene where the little girl of the story is sitting on her fathers lap. he is about to leave for war and she may never see him again. she runs her hands over his face gazing into his eyes. the father asks if she is memorizing him, but she replies no, she already knows him by heart.

i want to know my God like this. I want to recognize his voice and special touch on creation all around me.

i think about love and how vulnerable it makes us. we hold our hearts out with open hands... scared and exhilerated at the same time. we know that its at great risk.

the thing is God is doing the same thing for us. Not only can i see His face... i have a picture of him opening up his chest and letting me see his beating heart. Would God make himself so vulnerable to me? that i could actually reach out my hand and touch his heart... love him or dispise his gift?

that is something i can't ignore.

i want to memorize His face...and i want to know what His heart is beating for.