itslastcall

why am i up so late? its tomorrow already.

feb 22 (late again)

how is it that i keep dieing but i'm not dead? i keep breaking, yet i'm not broken. reminds me of a verse i once read. something about being struck down but not destroyed...

it seems every step i take in my walk is about my death...still, hope grows.

a small seed planted in the earth, a lump of coal dieing and now breaking; now being found and chipped away at. glimmers, fractions of light shinning out from within.
(i own my name)

all this "walk" seems to be about is my death. yet it's not as painful as it first sounds. you fight, you let go (release), and realize the pre-freefall is just like holding your breath as you go through the tunnel (its so dark in there). a gasp comes, you giving up (only once you can see the light of course).

taking in that deep breath is letting go, giving up, freefalling.
you give in, stop trying to control it all
(because you realize you have no more stratgies anyways)
and WONDER OF WONDERS. your created lungs do what they were made to do. they suck in air. who would have thought letting go was so natural?

q: when does death ever equate life?

a: when death means your tap on control is dead. as long as you're in control, you'll never be free of yourself.


is truth freedom? will the truth set us free?

well then, let us know we don't have it all figured out. let us know we can stare death in the face and still see life. and let us know hope grows in the darkest places.

"Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?" - 1 Cor. 15:55