itslastcall

This most recent phase of my life has been a very interesting one. unique.

i don't feel profound, i don't feel like i have anything of worth to say. i used to have pat answers. i used to know it all. and it worked for me. i feel like now i'm at ground zero, hashing through all of my thoughts, all of my training, all of my "christian literature"; all of these things are swimming around in my head.
we're searching for the truth here. lo and behold, i find myself reading my bible and being blown away.
this is it.
there is something so simple, so profound, so... lifechanging. i want it. i need it. i want the christian life.

so i've been at a loss.(how?) i want to share something profound, pass it on, but i feel so incapable. i feel like a child, knowing i'm not quite understanding what the big kids are saying, yet feeling the need to interject my thoughts, get some feedback, and hopefully some encouragement.

this has been a desperate time and i like that. my complacency was left back there somewhere, some place in the last few months. it was slow to leave. this desperation was slow to grow.

what do i do with it? the only thing i know to do is wait on God. read his word. and ask for more. more more more. i want more. i want to know the God i serve. i want to know who i love. i want to know how to love others. i want to know how living by the spirit fulfills all demands the law makes, demands i can't achieve without love, without him, without this life lived by Christ Jesus.

i want to know how to GIVE IT ALL UP, give it all nothing up.
what i have is nothing, and what He offers is something.
and perhaps He offers everything.
i believe it.

i turned 21 on may the fourteenth. its been a great year so far.